I just want to say that life gets crazy. I mean it gets ugly! All the dark parts of who we are that we tuck away start to float to the top when life really happens, life is a centrifugal force of sorts. I think that we forget were living. I think that we forget even that were people. Sounds silly, even cheesy, but altogether its a very vital truth.
We decide that life really is built up by tasks. I've got to be here, be there, do this then do that, get that done don't get this done, be like this, dress like that... I fail, I thrive, I succeed I lose. I am accepted I am rejected, I'm fulfilled I'm empty. We base most of our lives on what we do. And then how we feel on how those things "we do" go. I'm going to tell you something.
Who you are is not based on how you perform and its not even based on other's opinions of you. And here's the kicker, life isn't based on your opinion of yourself either, because often almost always that is clouded by our past, other's opinions and taaa daaa, how we perform.
You are not the tasks you do or don't do. Life is altogether sad and a very empty place when its really a hike to the next task, it can be fulfilling, but only momentarily. But that's often how we live. We forget who we are. In fact we try very hard to forget that we are people. I have said many times that man's greatest fear is his own heart, not height, not depth, not the legged grossness of a spider or insect of intense hideousness. Life is definitely easier if its just what we do, but it will never be enough, and contentment will never be bonded to us.
People avert confrontation at all costs, I mean who wants to dig deeper, its easier to consent than to have to work at things. A man who does nothing is a man who can feel he's averted the fear of rejection and savored the control of false perfectionism. Then there are those who thrive on the battle of wills because they don't know who they are without drama. We feel like these things bring us some sense of emotion, being and likeness of living, there hard, there sometimes not manageable, but they still don't mean we have a pulse.
When we forget that we are people, we forget that we were made for relationship. We were made for others and they were made for us. Life is lonely when we merely live to build our wealth, our reputation, our achievements, our home, or our vanity. Truth is it will never...ever... be enough. The more we put our value in what we do versus who we are, we will always come up short. Sure we all have a job to do~ For the most part at least. We wake up and the inevitable mental list awaits (for the organized one's, you've written it down).
But we arrive into the day with the mental preparation of what we have to do, who we have to deal with to get it done, then we have to taste the almost certain "monkey wrench" that sends our life into caos. Im not saying dont feel. Im not saying that life isnt hard when things mess up what we have to get done, heck this is like right? It's a pain to have fiscal responsibility, if your a parent to have responsibility over other's well being, as a leader to lead well, as a servant to do your job etc etc the list goes on. But remember that past what you see in the mirror, there is something inside.
I might look at a cupboard in the mirror, all I will ever see is a hinged door...no matter how hard I try to change it. Life is not one dimensional. It's greater than what we do. Its not a facade although we want it to be. If I want to see past that hinged door I have to open it. I might love some of the things I see but some of them I would be pretty embarrassed by right? Learn to laugh at your mistakes, be quick to forgive others and try to live from the contents of who you are rather than what people merely see, what you do. Life's a challenge, we all know that.
*I'm Kim, Im a mother of 3 children and wife to 1 wonderful man. I have always wanted to be a secret spy because I love the trill of being covert and kick but, intellectually and physically. I love making people laugh because I think life without humor is boring. I will try anything once because even if its horrible then at least Ive gotten a good story out of it. I love physics because I see God in how things work, God is my favorite artist and mankind/nature is his greatest piece. I love to eat carbs and bake them although my thighs dont agree. I hate being undermined and underestimated, I fear rejection but will grow stronger from it.
I have had a very course life, I dont share often about but I chose to learn from it. I have two parents Ive learned much from and love deeply. Forgiveness has bridged a many of prefaces with them. I have one brother named Charlie who is is prison that I dont write enough and I regret that. I lost one brother, Will, to suicide and he would of been 28 2 days ago, I always wonder if I could of done something different.
My children's laughter and smiles are my applause, 2 active vibrant boys, Matthew & Andrew and one very smiley resilient girl, Annalise. I make a dork of myself often and laugh at myself if I need to. Seeing potential rise in others is a greatest joy of mine. Life is dull if it isn't propelled by passion.
I love warm summer nights, the African sunrise, Coke in a spa, stars in the night sky. Wet hair on the beach, a tan with sandy legs. The beach at night, a big blue sky, bubble bath bubble noises, Mexican food in Mexico (minus the food poisoning please) I'm a stubborn people pleaser, I'm a disorganized perfectionist. I love to dance sing off key in the shower (the only key I know). I love challenge but bull towards it with fear. This is me.
Just wanted to say that I'm taking my own advice today. I wanted to give up and run away and then I decided that life was more than what I get done. My laundry, dinner, house, kids, task do be do do be do...its a sad song to dance to in life. I'm running in place if that's what its going to be about. There are too many people in my life who have forgotten, no pushed away the knowledge of where they came from. Where they started, financially, physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally etc etc. You cant doubt that our life is made up of the experiences we've had to swallow. Where we came from doesn't define us but if you ignore it completely your ignoring and forgetting a great miracle and testimony and choosing to live task by task. How exhausting. Life is more than what you do and maintaining other's opinion of who you are through it.
Challenge you to come up with 5 good traits of who you are not based on what you do, what you think of yourself or what you think other's opinion of you is. The idea that life is more secure in the mundane and routine is a lie. Life is who you are not merely what you do.
